Plays Well With Others

Huck & pal Homer after a romp and a swim

I've been trying to lead off this post with a sentence like, "I love to watch dogs play", but I keep thinking of exceptions. I'm an anxious wreck at a dog park. I'm a nervous nelly supervising play groups when I'm teaching puppy class. And I'm on pins and needles watching play between shelter dogs that we've paired up for the first time. Am I a neurotic, smothering mother hen? Well, I prefer to think of all this as well-informed vigilance. I know just enough about the complex dynamics of dog play to know that a) dogs are exchanging subtle signals constantly, which we don't always catch and often don't understand, and b) dogs' enthusiasm can escalate to hyper-arousal, which can then tip into aggression, seemingly without warning. So here are some thoughts on safe play.

Eyes averted, tails half-mast

First, a couple myths to debunk. If dogs are wagging their tails, doesn't that mean they're feeling happy and friendly? Ah, if only it were that cut and dried. No, wagging tails don't always broadcast playfulness. Experts tend to agree that tails convey a ton of information, but they don't always agree on what tails are telling us. It seems reasonable to interpret loose, slow wags at "half-mast" or in circles as hints that dogs are having fun. We can probably surmise that high, stiff, fast wags mean that dogs are on alert and haven't made up their minds yet whether they feel playful at that moment or not. But maybe the best advice is, don't put too much stock in what you think your dog's tail is saying. Look for bigger patterns, which we'll talk about in a second.

Well-intentioned neck gnawing!

Another assumption to reconsider is that even when dogs are rowdy and rough with each other, it's all just play. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn't. Dogs can bully and haze each other during play, making it especially un-fun for the one getting picked on. I mostly prefer one-on-one play because it's easier to read and regulate; when three or more dogs coalesce into swirling spirals of nipping and bumping, it can be hard to discern who's doing what to whom. This is why dog parks give me hives. Dogs have different play styles, and they're not all compatible. Last weekend a couple other dog trainers and I got together and let our dogs play in pairs, and we laughed ourselves silly watching as one dog played tug with the other dog's collar (while it was still on her neck), then while a dog grabbed the other's cheek between her teeth and gave it a vigorous shake, and later when one of the dogs planted both feet on the other's head and stood on it. Yes, I was laughing, too, not fretting and chewing my nails to the quick. Why? Because we could see that their play was compatible, appropriate, and enjoyed by both dogs. How did we know?

These are some characteristics of good play. They're generalizations, but they're good guidelines.

Friends again after a couple corrections. Huck grouched at

Homer for dunking her underwater with his paw. Homer changed tactics.

It's respectful. When greeting for the first time, and approaching each other after a break, dogs don't charge at each other frontally, stare each other in the face, and bump chests. They slowly trace a curving path toward each other with eyes averted, and then move in for a mutual butt sniff. They also heed each other's corrections. If play gets too rough for a dog, he may let out a yelp or a grumble. No need for anyone to panic. This is a correction--a dog telling his playmate, "Quit that. I don't like it." In well-matched play, the other dog will take that correction to heart and cease the behavior that brought it on. Sometimes a dog is clueless, or just acting like a pesky kid brother, and keeps at it. Then it's time for a break.

Self-interrupting for a quick sniff

It's intermittent. Dogs playing well together take a lot of breaks. They self-interrupt to catch their breath, calm themselves and each other (especially if there's been a yelp or grumble), and reassess each other's mood. Are we still in play mode? You want to go again? They may freeze just for a second, or they may meander around for a bit and then start in again. During breaks, dogs often give each other calming signals, like lifting a paw or sniffing the ground, and they may solicit more play with a play bow or a teasing paw on the other's back. Reading each other is an essential social skill for dogs, and it can take time for this to develop. That's one reason why close supervision of play is so important.

It's reciprocal. Dogs who read each other adeptly develop an easy play rhythm and take turns. Even the roughest play can be fun for both dogs as long as there's a tacit agreement that goes something like this: I'll let you hump me, but you have to let me chew your neck. Or I'll let you stand on me while I lie on my back, but you have to let me do it next. When play is reciprocal, you don't hear a lot of yelping and grumbling. When one dog is more assertive and the other is feeling overwhelmed, you'll often see the overwhelmed dog trying to disengage, with a tucked tail, a low crouch, and maybe some disgruntled vocalization.

It's pretty quiet. When dogs are playing nicely, you might not hear much sound. Some dogs like to bark and play-growl while romping, but unless that's their normal play style, we should pay even closer attention if dogs start getting noisier and more guttural-sounding. It's often a sign that things are amping up and they might need a break.

Play bowing, or kowtowing, to Maggie Moo.

It's fairly low and horizontal. Again, this is a generalization; some quite compatible dogs like to leap and dance during play. But for the most part, you want to see dogs playing close to the ground, and when they start to go vertical, they may be getting aroused to the point of getting over-aroused. Time for a break.





Here's a good rule of thumb when supervising a play session between two dogs: When in doubt, call a time out. If play is getting a bit too frenzied for your liking, step in and gently take your dog's collar, have your dog's friend's owner gently take that dog's collar, and enthusiastically invite them to trot off with you for a moment or two. Avoid using treats to lure your dog away because dogs can be pretty protective of their yummies, even with their pals. It's always better to separate dogs before a fight breaks out. Remember, even between buddies, play can get so intense that it suddenly morphs into a fight. It's a fine line, and you don't want to cross it. An ounce of prevention is worth thousands of dollars at the emergency room.

Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself

I’m at my son’s soccer practice, biding my time with my dog Huckleberry. A nice granny strolls by with a toddler in her arms, sees us, and exclaims with gusto, “My granddaughter just LOVES dogs!!!!” Granny then proceeds to swoop this bundle of joy down into my dog’s face, kamikaze style, again and again, while the little girl shrieks with glee. True or false: this is a perfectly appropriate way to greet a dog. 

Sometimes, we dog lovers fall victim to a common assumption that all dogs will love us right back and can’t wait to meet us. In truth, most dogs WILL warm up to us if we approach them in a way that feels right to them, but there’s some etiquette involved here that may have escaped some of us until now.

Luckily, Huckleberry loves people. In fact, she very well may love perfect strangers just as much as she loves me. That’s probably why she tolerates some pretty strange greetings, like the one from the dive-bombing grandma. But coming on too strong can scare a dog, and a scared dog may retreat or, feeling trapped, may even react in a way that can hurt someone. So, let’s talk about polite greetings from a dog’s point of view (I’m now doing my best impression of a dog.)

I greet my dog friend! I sniff his nose! Then, I sniff his butt! For us dogs, this is polite. Now I’m greeting a new human friend. Yay! I try to sniff her nose but it’s up too high so I have to jump way up there to reach it! Then I try as hard as I can to sniff her butt, but she keeps pushing me away. Huh? Wait, you don’t like it when I jump on you and poke my nose into your backside? Well then, let’s make a deal. If you’ll train me to greet people the way people want to be greeted, I’ll teach you how to greet dogs the way dogs like to be greeted.

Step One: Please walk up slowly so you don’t startle me, and ask my owner first if you can pet me. She’s my agent. She’ll tell you if I’m available, which I almost always am! But some of my dog friends are a little shy with strangers. And some of their owners WANT them to be super friendly and love everyone, so they TELL people, “My dog is super friendly and loves everyone,” but really they’re not always hearing what their dog is saying. So that brings me to . . . 

Step Two: Please also ask us dogs if we would like you to pet us. It’s SO easy to find out if we want to. Just stick your hand out a tiny bit—not in our faces, thank you very much—and wait a few seconds. A dog who wants to be petted will COME TOWARD YOU! We can’t help it! We really, really want to! If we’re not sure yet, we might think about it for a little bit. If you come closer while we’re still thinking, you might scare us—especially if you’re looking right at us! So please wait for us to make the first move.

Step Three: Once we’ve made our move toward you, give us a nice pet on the chest. And, for the love of all that is good in the world, please do not pat-pat-pat us on the head. We really like to know where your hand is going, and when it’s above our eyes, we can’t see it and it makes us uncomfortable. In fact, a famous dog trainer named Patricia McConnell pats her border collies on the head to annoy them so they’ll stop pestering her and go away! Now listen closely, because I’m going to tell you a couple secrets about how to make sure we’re cool with the petting.

Step Four: Read our body language. I know! It’s like we’re from a different culture! So I’m going to translate for you. If I lick my lips, that means I’m a little stressed. If I yawn, I’m a little stressed. If I turn my head away from you? Yep, a little stressed. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you! I just might need a little more space.

But when I like how you’re petting me, I’m going to be loose and wiggly, maybe lean closer. Heck, I might even lick your face! WHAT?? Now you’re going to tell me you don’t like it when I lick your face?! Well, as long as we keep trying to understand each other, I think we’re going to get along just fine.

For more information on dog behavior, visit the Animal Welfare League of Alexandria’s Behavior and Training page!

Obsessive IMPULSIVE Disorder: Huckleberry’s Road to Recovery

My rescue hound Huckleberry used to be all impulse and no control. On walks, everything was a trigger—every squirrel, fox, bird, dog, and human made her yank, lunge, leap, and bark with such urgency that people stopped to stare. I know they were thinking, “Can’t you control your dog?!” Actually, I was slowly but surely teaching her to control herself.

To build impulse control, Huckleberry needed a versatile set of rock-solid behaviors: name game, sit, watch me, and find it. Every walk became a training session, with a full menu of her highest value treats to compete with her most seductive distractions. We played the name game obsessively until she could give a “whiplash” response—an immediate, almost reflexive head turn. I also reinforced her for looking at me without being asked, so she’d check in more often. Attention is the gateway to every other behavior; if I couldn’t get Huckleberry’s attention, I couldn’t expect her to do anything else.

I asked Huckleberry to sit at random times on walks, so she’d always be tuned in and ready to respond. I had her sit and wait to be released whenever I stopped walking, especially at intersections. She also learned to offer a sit to say “please”, like if she wanted to go sniff something beyond leash-range. Sit became her default; she’d sit when she didn’t know what else to do with herself. And sitting is a great alternative to frantic jumping.  

We worked on “watch me” in increasingly challenging settings—first when Huckleberry was already sitting calmly, then while walking, until finally she could turn to me even with a squirrel darting across our path. I often followed “watch me” with “find it”, so when she was dying to chase a squirrel, she could redirect some of the frenzy toward chasing a treat instead. “Find it” distracted her from other dogs, too. Plus, with her nose down in a sniffing posture, she sent calming signals to fellow canines. And getting treats when dogs appeared changed Huckleberry’s emotional state from stress to delight. At first, the other dogs had to be pretty far away for all this to work, but over time the thrill of chasing hot dogs started to override her reactivity to real dogs.

Huckleberry and I are still training each other, but we’ve both come a long way. So if you have a zany kook like mine, take heart: all those clicks and treats add up and pay off over time. The first time someone stopped to stare at Huckleberry and declared, “What a well-behaved dog”, I could barely control the impulse to do a little victory dance. Instead I stepped hard on her leash, just in case Huckleberry couldn’t yet control the impulse to give her fan a big sloppy kiss on the face.

Picking a Dog is Like Picking a Date

[This is a blog post I wrote for the Animal Welfare League of Alexandria for Valentine's Day.]

If we’re honest, we can all admit we have a “type” as far as what we find attractive—in people AND in dogs. Some of us go for big and brawny, others melt over dainty and petite. Maybe we prefer blondes, or curls are a deal-breaker. Whatever your leanings, chances are, you have a perfect “look” in mind. But like Mama always said, don’t judge a book by its cover. And that goes for dates AND dogs. 

When you decide to adopt a dog, try to keep an open mind. You can window shop online to your heart’s content, mooning and swooning over every gorgeous furry face that pops up in your Petfinder search. But when it comes to finding the dog of your dreams, it’s personality that matters most.

Me? I have husky lust. Those prick ears and pointed muzzle and lush pelt…that wolfish aura…and if the eyes happen to be blue…I’m smitten. But when we went to pick out our latest dog a year ago, I knew in my heart that I what I really needed was a dog that loved my rowdy kids and their rambunctious friends, wouldn’t stalk and hunt my other 5 pets, could romp—not rumble—with my neighbors’ dogs, would greet guests with zest--not angst, and would love a good nap on the couch as much as a hard workout. 

Yes, I wanted a cute dog. But no matter how adorable, a dog who didn’t fit that  bill wouldn’t fit into our lives.  The floppy-eared, crew-cut goofball hound mix who rode home smiling in our back seat that day was a far cry from the “look” that normally turns my head.  But it turns out it was a match made in heaven.





AWLA has an expert team of matchmakers ready to help you make that love connection and meet The One. Be ready with a list of qualities that are important to you—personality traits that will help your new dog thrive in your family and your home. And get ready to fall in love with a dog with a heart of gold, not just a pretty face!